Repeated Service

My personal public service, or repeated service I should say, has been to continuously repeat the same fucking mistake over and over again. Not once, not twice, but 4 fricken times in a row. Each one of them I’ve not only accepted but also excused with some sob story about how thats the way love goes. But now Im just really tired of being the one that always understands other peoples inadequacy and or lack of responsability. However I do understand that I too must take my place in the box of blame. Only because I have been arrogant enough to believe that as long as I am honest and kind, people (especially my partners) would return the favor. Therefore I pay for my idiotic presumptuosness. And Oh! what a price!. Even when I sit here and reassure myself that at the end of it all it is them that have lost and I have gained one more experience in my life. But what if Im tired of the same fucking lesson? Do I sit here and blame the fools that have ripped my heart out, not only to stomp on it but piss on it just for flavor. Or do I knock myself on the noggin for pure stupidity. Well aware of what the outcome might be. I Jump blindly to the depths of love (or nowhere) apparently. So to clarify why I view my life as a public servant, allow me explain. I not only fall for women who are younger that me,but who also have not the slightest clue of what honesty and true commitment is. The first two I excuse it with the fact that we were all babies and new to the whole love and dating. However, the last two were stupid , and young. And I cannot bring myself to excuse them, because I too have been young and inexperienced. Never the less, I have never been able to be cruel or dishonest. And when I say young, I dont mean minors. Late 20’s is young but shouldn’t hide behind those curtains of youth and inexperience, thats just gutless and spineless! So I unwillingly become their first mistake,mishap, experience, whatever you want to call it. I serve my purpose in their lives, and then its done. They move on to more or something diffrent, and Im left behind not only alone….. once again,but with an empty nest. What…the….Fuck?! Regardless of what my family and friend try to reassure me with. I know that I must release myself of my curse, I am no ones savior. And the constant repeated words of “someone better will come along”. My final thought cant help to be, Do I really want it anymore?