2/13/08
I open my eyes slighly, slowly and forcefully, like a creaky door pushe open by a chillfull wind. sunlight beams inside, a dim weak light, my eyes close again tired and heavy. I pry them open not realizing that more than an hour has passed by. the dim light is now brighter and almost painful upon my eyes. I awake with a heavy weight on my chest as if a ton of bricks had been laying on my chest overnight. I try to take a deep breath, but the pressure is so strong that it makes my lungs ache. For a split second, its a beautiful morning. But then the reality of my situation slams my head like a bullet train without warning. The anger that a few weeks ago used to be pain, overflows in my chest. I awake from a bad dream, right into a dreadful nightmare. I take another deap breath and inhale the realization of my own torture. I feel weak and nauseous, yet angry and violent. I try to shake it off by thinking of all the beautiful things that surround me. However that only angers me deeper, the fact that all that I still grasp in my life seems to fade in the background. My confusion grows and only over takes me. I fight it, I play it off, it seems to be working. No one need to know, everyone has their own baggage and their own demons. No one needs to see me, no pity no sorrow, no rescue, no savior. I miss who I was, I hope I find me again…..
