Repeated Service

How do I define the emptiness I feel without the sound of your voice. The feeling of solitude engulfs me. Every minute that passes by is a sad reminder that one more day is coming to an end without you. I see you smiling face so clearly without closing my eyes. Your image is burned in my mind. I wish for a simple glance of you. I dream of holding you. To feel the softness of your gentle hand brush against my skin. The sweetness of your lips. The warmth of your embrace. The scent of your perfume still lingers all around me. Your laugh is a constant ringing in my ear, I hear you call out my name so clearly. I lift my head and look around, but I awake from my daydream…. Your not there. I hold the phone with trigger fingers like a pistol.. My strength weakens as I almost dial your number just to hear your voice. I close my eyes and hold the tears back. I can’t…I shoulnt… I mustn’t… But oh God!!!… I miss you.

Once again I fall into the ocean of the heart. The waves of passion break against my weakened body and consume me. I sink deep into the depths of love. I’m blinded by the darkness that surrounds me. I’m out of breath and cannot fight back. I keep sinking and feel the pressure in my chest. This burning and aching feeling is overwhelming. No tears nor screams release the pressure, the aching. My heart does not think or speak, it only feels. I wait for the sound of your voice. At this moment it feels as if that alone will save me. I’m so sure you will call out to me. I wait patiently with no doubt… I drift and sink calmly. I allow the ocean to take me. I know you will come for me….. Please… I know you can hear my silence…. Save me.. Come quickly…..

Lil past midnight, sitting at the end of the bar.. Oh god this is such a bad sad beginning to a low budget movie.. I sit here sipping on a semi cold beer, chewing on day old soggy popcorn from the free machine.. My friend Vivien sits next to me giggling and just happy to be out for the evening celebrating her second day of turning 30.. Thru sips of warm beer I listen to kareoke of the song “hey jude,” some how I feel like I’m in a movie sceen of a film I saw not long ago. My friend Vivien leans over and whispers, “I always wanted to get a job here, I don’t now why.. It’s so seedy.. And u can fish for porno and tickle me Elmo with one dollar from the crane machine”.. I can’t help but to laugh and for a moment snap out of my stressfull confusing, draining funk… I sit here and sob over my own thoughts and troubles, but still looking around me, thinking what’s the story with everyone else in this crummy joint… I must remind myself not to ever try to endulge myself with the stale nachos at the free snack table… Note to self… (No wonder they are free).. More like free of decent consumption.. I’m obviously not drunk enough to enjoy a paper plate of goo semi crunchy chips.. And definitely not drunk enough to not make fun of Vivien sing sweet child of mine.. And completely make me forget how much I thought i liked that song…… Panachos.. A new name Vivien has deemed the free snacks of popcorn and nachos.. However the word reminds me of Panocha.. Which is Spanish slang for a womans privates… Phmm intriguing but yet not arrousing.

I know you are looking my friend… But you will not find it here.